One horse in particular. Her name was Mae, a 16.2 hand high American Paint Horse Association mare. I was given this horse when I was 8 years old and 4'3". She taught me how to gain trust. When I first brought her home, she was a nervous wreck and I was intimidated by her ridiculous size. We were the best of friends before I had even had her for a month. She taught me how to stay up cleaning a stall at 1 AM in negative degree temperatures with frozen toes... and to love every second of it. She taught me how to regain confidence after I had fallen off her back and broken my ribs as a tiny 9 year old. She taught me courage... to lope her in a round pen again two weeks after getting my cast and two weeks after the doctor told me to stop riding for the rest of my life. She taught me to never judge a book by it's cover. She became great friends with a 30 year old sway back, one-eyed Appaloosa that lived on the other side of the fence. She taught me how to care for someone that is severely sick when I sat with her in the barn for 48 hours while she was struggling horribly with colic after the vet said she wouldn't survive it. She taught me strength when she fought to stay on her feet as I asked and slowly led her around the pasture at dawn both mornings she was ill. She taught me how to fly each and every time we rode. She taught me to keep my head high when we placed at the bottom of our classes. She taught me how to handle set-backs when my saddle fell apart and we trained bareback for an entire month. She taught me to be to the core, stubborn when she refused to let the farrier lift her hooves every six weeks. She taught me to never give up when I consistently came in 2nd under my human best friend. She taught me dedication when we worked together each and every day to become better. She taught me how to celebrate a victory... dozens of times... when I finally found that edge that bumped me to 1st place. She taught me how to handle losses when I watched a complete stranger load her, my best friend, in his trailer and drive away with her while I tried to hide my tears. And she taught me how to dream, each night afterwards that she appeared vividly in my dreams, once again as my mount in a national competition.
And to this day, I want to apply the lessons that Mae unknowingly, or maybe she did know, taught me throughout our years together. These valuable lessons will live on through my rabbits and my future horses. No matter how great the set back, how severe the failure, I'll never give up. I'll never give up. I'll pick myself up. I'll brush myself off. I'll push forward. I'll move on. I'll adapt. I'll overcome.
I have spent the last six months feeling like a failure, losing over a dozen of my best rabbits. I was trying so hard. I felt so prepared and I failed. Each failure was painful, sad, and disappointing. My back was up against the wall and I was forced to make a decision of whether to say 'to hell with it' and sell every rabbit I owned, or to take my losses, consider them a blessing... and a lesson and move on, even more determined for improvement and in due course, victory. I chose the latter. I made a deal and I took a risk. We could argue all day about how I lost, but the fact is that I lost.
This is strange to think about, but I feel if my horse knew everything she had taught me, she would be the first one to tell me how proud she is that I applied her lessons to something other than reining and barrels.
I know that if someone at the top of their game lost over a dozen of their animals in 4 months, I'd no longer want their animals out of fear of their luck spreading to me. I'm sure this happened to at least one or two of my potential customers/friends that knew about my losses. I absolutely respect their decision to decide against my animals. Be that as it may, I'm not talking to them when I say the following. I want to thank each and every one of my friends that are still "standing in my corner" and still had faith in me when I didn't have any in myself. I want to thank my friends who offered some of the strongest, most touching motivation and advice, Jen Daley and Lindsey King. Thank you both for still believing in me and providing me with the hope that picked me up.
This isn't about winning and it isn't about money; this is what I love. I love this as much as you do. This is my everything. This is what I live for and if I didn't have this, I don't know what else I'd be doing.
To each and every one of my friends who still stand by me, thank you. You're the friends I hope to keep and have by my side when I fail and when I'm at the highest of victory. Thank you for still proudly standing in my corner.
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