A New Road For This Breeder

Since my losing my best doe, I've done so much thinking. I've spent lots of time away from the rabbit world. I've actually enjoyed the time away from them to be honest. I need time to get my head on straight and work on things other than rabbits. Of course, this is not to say that I have been taking any less care of my herd; that remains the same. Merely, I am just switching focus. I realized that I'm only going to be young once and I can't spend this much time focused on social media aimed towards rabbits. I have so much that I need to work for in this final month of school. Then after this final month of school, I have 24 days with the best guy I have ever met before he will practically disappear off of the face of the earth for two entire years. He is moving to Mexico for a period of time to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Throughout those two years, I won't be able to talk with him for more than thirty minutes over email, early every Monday morning. The thought of missing him makes me sick.. literally. However, I know he will be able to reach out to so many people and that makes my heartache so worth it in the end. It would be selfish of me to say I don't want him to go. But realizing I have exactly 57 days before he steps on that flight, I've made the decision that the rabbit world needs to take a seat for a while. I want to be sure that I make the most of the short time that remains.
Additionally, I've picked out my new horse. It's just a matter of taking the time a few times each week to visit her 80 minutes from my home, to ride and get to know her before her current owner will consider releasing her to me. That is definitely going to take a ridiculous amount of time (and gas money) to visit her.
Because school is over in a month, my best friend will be off to college, my 'boyfriend' will be off to Mexico, my brothers will be off to an assortment of different states and countries around the world, and dozens of my other friends will be off to college or their own missions... while I'm still stuck in high school, missing all of them. I mean, talk about everyone disappearing from your life! ;-) I suppose I'll need my rabbit world more than anything after everyone is gone. But while I still have them, I plan to cherish every moment. They each mean so much to me and I love them!! I'll be a mess when I have to miss all of them. Just watch, I'll be bawling throughout the entire last week of school. It's going to be a 'fun' time. ;-)
Anyways, I really need to make a personal blog for all of that mushy love-life, friend-life stuff. On a bunny note, I'm really starting to like some of my jrs!! There are five DH that are looking good so far-- the nicest doe is named Argentine Tango, followed by a sport named Anna. The nicest buck is named Valentine, followed by Maks.
In my handful of Holland jrs, I'm really liking Classy, Jack Daniels, and Beau. These 3 brothers are all looking nice and I'm struggling to decide who will be my keeper. It's such a tough decision! I may grow them out for another month to see their true type. I need to make sure they're all finished with their jr molt before I make a final decision and post 2/3 for sale.

Jack Daniels
Faults: fine bone, tight crown
Strengths: short, wide, full body. crown
definition, etc

Jack Daniels

Beau
Faults: low headset, body length, slipped crown
Strengths: bone, crown definition, topline, decent
shoulder width, full body

Beau

Beau

Classy
Faults: slipped crown, lacks shoulder width, folded ears
Strengths: just about everything else :-)

Classy
What a face! <3

Classy
A blurry picture but look at his head!! <3

Cute litter of sables. You see that baby on the far right?
Yup... blue point. -_- 

This is practically in my back yard. Honestly, I hate UT
deserts and all of the dry looking sagebrush but this pic
was pretty!

RIP Valentina :'(

Nearly three days ago, Valentina went off feed, water, and completely stopped pooping. After some TLC using the decent amount of veterinary knowledge that I've acquired over the years of raising many species, by the next day, she was drinking on her own and there was a tiny amount of manure in her tray. On day two, she was still drinking and I had finally gotten her to eat hay and 1/6 cup of pellets. She wasn't pooping much in the morning but that evening, she had a nearly healthy amount of manure in her tray. I concluded that it was simply a minor fur blockage and she would be back on track with just a few more days of tender, loving care.
Today, I was happily walking around the barn when I got home, feeding the hungry bunnies when I came to Valentina's cage and quickly concluded that my best doe was in fact, dead. Strewn about her still body were mouthfuls of pulled fur... and no babies. I dropped the feed bucket in my hands and pulled Val out to examine her; ...to confirm my fears.
Her body was not yet cold or stiff, but her eyes were dull and I could see that she was no longer there, clinging to her life. She was with no doubt, gone. I just stared at her, letting that oh, so familiar feeling of loss and a breaking heart creep up on me.
I began examining her trying to find an explanation. I discovered that her vent was bleeding and was frozen with disbelief. This doe wasn't pregnant. Her last due date was exactly two weeks ago and she never kindled. Surely she couldn't have a litter inside after so long without complication? I began palpating and to my astonishment, found a lump that was 3/4 the size of a full-term baby. I continued palpating in search of more but found nothing else.
Still in disbelief, I kept telling myself that it could be a compaction of fur that blocked off her intestine and became solid. But what are the odds? Realistically, the odds are that my doe died because she still had at least one baby inside that she was never able to pass. Ladies and Gentlemen... I give you the Dwarf Hotot.

Today, I learned the truth of the old veterinary saying: "If the patient gets better all of a sudden, it's either a miracle or they are about to die."

For once in my life, I find myself wanting to take a break. This could quite possibly be the biggest loss I have endured yet. This was the best Dwarf Hotot that I have produced in my entire life, even after developing three separate lines over the course of many years. I adored this doe and all of her temper tantrums. She was everything I worked for and the image of my barn; the very image of what I was continually striving for standing before my eyes. Valentina was born in my barn at the time when I needed hope the most. She was taken at the time when I thought my hope had paid off. She was my victory.
As I sit here in an emotionally exhausted blob typing away on my laptop, I haven't quite accepted it yet. I doubt I will. I'm playing the "what if" game. But a part of me is begging myself to forgive, forget, and move on. Breed those does. Pray for something worth half of what she was. Work harder than ever. But then that brings up a new question. Can I work harder? Is what I'm doing right now, still not enough to say that I've earned my "Valentina"? Quite frankly, I feel like I was putting my heart and soul into my rabbits up until these past few hours of contemplation. I'm ready for a break. I'm tired. I'm broke. I'm numb. I'm lost.

And I'm about to perform an autopsy. Will post the results when I'm ready.

In tribute to the most beautiful, stunning vision to pass through my barn. <3 She stayed for such a short time. It wasn't long enough... but it was long enough to last forever. Adieu ma victoire, mon triomphe, mon anglais s'est levé. </3

Some Cuties

I took a couple of pictures in the past day that I just need to share! I've posted a few of them to Facebook so you may have seen them already. Because the majority of my rabbits have gone into horrid molts, I wasn't able to take more. Additionally, it has been raining excessively so I wasn't able to take any outside with the pretty mountain background!! Luckily that rain will make our pasture even more green for the pictures I take in the future! :-) 

Marc Anthony- the long awaited pictures! I've only had him
for 6 months and finally got a picture! Lol He has been
molting and out of condition for ages. He's getting there.
 I think convention was rough on him. Poor guy. 

Very nice. A bit too long for me, but we can work with that.

That cute head and muzzle!! My favorite thing about him...

He's a bit skittish still so that's a work in progress.

Little Rascal's Classy- SJB- 4 months old
Loving this Tyrade x Manda baby! Beautiful type,
kind-hearted personality... What a guy! He needs lots of time
to develop but I'm excited to see him grow into his potential!

My favorite DH litter, out of Tucker x Blue. Unfortunately,
they all obviously carry blue. Hopefully I can work with that!
I love their lines and they're all very round still while on the
doorstep of the uglies... that's a pretty good sign, I'd think.;-)